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Thread: The Tip was off

  1. #1
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    The Tip was off

    At the Wedding I did on Thursday, near the end of the night the wedding planner hands me a $75 tip. Okay great, but as I was packing up the groom came over and said you did a phenomenal job and I want to make sure I received the tip. I said yes thank your for the $75 tip. He then said, $75, I gave the planner $200 cash and asked her to give it all to you.

    My reply was don't know this is what she gave me. Makes me wonder if others have been short changed before and what would be your next move.

    Good week for tips though, got $50 on Friday it was a 50th Birthday Party, and $80 on Saturday for a wedding.
    Heavy weight lifter, karate, oh, I DJ too. Life is good!

  2. #2
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    Interesting... I wonder which person lied to you, the groom or the planner. It could have been either and it sucks either way. Not much you can do about it.
    The No-Hype DJ:
    When you can't afford the best...
    I'm one of the rest.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by sawdust123 View Post
    ...Not much you can do about it.
    BS!

    Absolutely there is something to do.

    You approach the planner and let him/her know what the groom told you.

    Follow up action depends on the planners reaction to that info.

    Stealing demands address.
    Rocky 'djrox' Bourg
    Father/Husband/Son/Brother/American

  4. #4
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    And when the planner denies this, you are left as the go between to the client. Now you piss both off. The client is the one that needs to work this out with the planner. He was the one who entrusted the planner with his money. We are just assuming that the client was honest about the size of the tip in the first place. Maybe the client gave two tips to the planner, a $75 tip for one vendor and $200 to you but the planner simply confused them. I just don't jump to conclusions quickly in such a situation. Getting up in someone's face prematurely doesn't usually yield a positive result.
    The No-Hype DJ:
    When you can't afford the best...
    I'm one of the rest.

  5. #5
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    I just let it go. I never expect a tip, but receiving them is appreciated no matter the amount.
    Heavy weight lifter, karate, oh, I DJ too. Life is good!

  6. #6
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    It is very possible that he gave $200 to the planner and she divided it up amongst the staff (DJ, Bartender, Servers....) just saying.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by sawdust123 View Post
    And when the planner denies this...
    I would ask both to have a conversation, now, live and in person, to clarify a misunderstanding. It will likely become obvious from their behavior if it was a misunderstanding or someone is a dishonest individual. The liar will probably be resistant and make excuses to avoid any exposure, it's part and parcel to the liar's M.O.

    Quote Originally Posted by sawdust123 View Post
    Maybe the client gave two tips to the planner, a $75 tip for one vendor and $200 to you but the planner simply confused them...
    Then do something mature and intelligent to make is clear so no one's integrity suffers unfair speculation and doubt.

    Quote Originally Posted by sawdust123 View Post
    I just don't jump to conclusions quickly in such a situation.
    But you jump away from the responsibility of defending and upholding fairness, honesty and integrity by passing it onto others.

    Asking for a clarification leads to a conclusion, it doesn't establish one.

    Is the subject situation potentially uncomfortable?

    "Probably."

    Will an individual's penchant for dishonesty and selfish, unethical behavior be exposed?

    "Maybe."

    Will the truth be established & upheld?

    "Yes."

    I side with truth.

    Quote Originally Posted by sawdust123 View Post
    Getting up in someone's face prematurely doesn't usually yield a positive result.
    Who said anything about disrespectful, abrasive, and/or antagonistic confrontation?

    A simple and polite request, to the two other parties involved, in order to clarify the possible "misunderstanding" does not rise to "Getting up in someone's face prematurely."

    I would absolutely want to clarify if it was a simple misunderstanding or if someone is lying and stealing from both the client and me or is a client I would not wish to work with again.

    In business and adult trust relationships, establishing the truth is always a positive reality. It is not possible to behave and rely with intelligence, maturity and appropriately if a liar is allowed to get away with deception. You have to know, not guess or suppose or wilt into ignorance, but actually know who should and can be trusted, now and in the future.

    Doing nothing leaves unfair and false suspicion on a wholly innocent individual and provides a liar with unwarranted gains and evidence into the sad inabilities and ethical weaknesses of the one that should know.
    Rocky 'djrox' Bourg
    Father/Husband/Son/Brother/American

  8. #8
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    Rocky, you and I often approach things differently. My earlier responses pretty much assumed all three parties were not in the room together but re-reading the OP, I see this was not actually specified. If the planner was still in the area, I could ask the groom if "we" should invite the planner over to discuss this. My initial guess is that the groom is tired and not up for a confrontation at the end of a long day.

    Now let's suppose groom is up for the confrontation. The planner will likely tell the groom, "I gave the DJ just what you handed me." In other words, attempt to make the groom feel that he screwed up in doling out the cash. If you are really lucky, the planner will reach into a pocket and say, "Oops, I thought I pulled all the cash out." This seems rather unlikely since the original $200 probably didn't include a $5 bill that was obviously part of the $75 tip. In other words, there is no easy way for the planner to come clean and save face.

    I am pretty certain the planner will NOT say, "Oops. Sorry. I thought I could get away with this. Here is the rest of your cash." They will just deny wrongdoing. Now I have to consider my role at the event. I was paid over a grand to give a great party that would produce fond memories. I even got paid an extra $75 for doing a good job. However, if I make a federal case over the missing $125, the groom will leave the reception on a very sour note. It doesn't matter that it is directed at the planner and not me. I just ruined his night.

    A better approach would be for me to tell the groom that maybe it was a simple screw-up on the planner's part and I will straighten it out with the planner directly. In other words, I would not get the groom upset and let him leave without a worry.

    Approaching the planner is tricky. If you don't allow them to save face, they will just deny any wrongdoing. I might say, "Hey, it was nice working with you tonight. BTW, I thanked the groom for his tip, and he happened to mention that he had handed you $200 to give to me, not $75. Perhaps the other bills fell into your purse. Would you mind checking for me?" Now the moment of truth arrives. Do they pretend to find the "lost" bills or do they cop an attitude? If they fail the attitude test, some ugly words are sure to follow but I will make sure the B&G are not around to hear them.
    The No-Hype DJ:
    When you can't afford the best...
    I'm one of the rest.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by sawdust123 View Post
    Rocky, you and I often approach things differently. My earlier responses pretty much assumed all three parties were not in the room together but re-reading the OP, I see this was not actually specified. If the planner was still in the area, I could ask the groom if "we" should invite the planner over to discuss this. My initial guess is that the groom is tired and not up for a confrontation at the end of a long day.

    Now let's suppose groom is up for the confrontation. The planner will likely tell the groom, "I gave the DJ just what you handed me." In other words, attempt to make the groom feel that he screwed up in doling out the cash. If you are really lucky, the planner will reach into a pocket and say, "Oops, I thought I pulled all the cash out." This seems rather unlikely since the original $200 probably didn't include a $5 bill that was obviously part of the $75 tip. In other words, there is no easy way for the planner to come clean and save face.

    I am pretty certain the planner will NOT say, "Oops. Sorry. I thought I could get away with this. Here is the rest of your cash." They will just deny wrongdoing. Now I have to consider my role at the event. I was paid over a grand to give a great party that would produce fond memories. I even got paid an extra $75 for doing a good job. However, if I make a federal case over the missing $125, the groom will leave the reception on a very sour note. It doesn't matter that it is directed at the planner and not me. I just ruined his night.

    A better approach would be for me to tell the groom that maybe it was a simple screw-up on the planner's part and I will straighten it out with the planner directly. In other words, I would not get the groom upset and let him leave without a worry.

    Approaching the planner is tricky. If you don't allow them to save face, they will just deny any wrongdoing. I might say, "Hey, it was nice working with you tonight. BTW, I thanked the groom for his tip, and he happened to mention that he had handed you $200 to give to me, not $75. Perhaps the other bills fell into your purse. Would you mind checking for me?" Now the moment of truth arrives. Do they pretend to find the "lost" bills or do they cop an attitude? If they fail the attitude test, some ugly words are sure to follow but I will make sure the B&G are not around to hear them.
    Jonathan,

    Every defense that you offer for doing nothing or taking an indirect/passive course is filled with assumptions and weak speculation. Avoid the pitfall of such dangerous platforms and FIND OUT THE TRUTH.

    We know what was posted in the OP and, in order to effectively discuss it without constant rehashing and incessant speculative "but what if"s and "just saying"s, we must accept certain offered facts and realities.

    Facts (deductions and assertions):
    1) An $200 gratuity intended FOR rockingdj was claimed to have been tendered by client. (Client being the individual with the least, I would suggest nothing to gain through deception and lies.)

    2) The Client asserts that said gratuity was handed to Planner for Planner to deliver, in total, to rockindj. This also establishes they were in the room at the proximal time that the discrepancy was discovered/realized. (Still no accusation or claims of deceit made or suggested.)

    3) Barring some unrelated, AND unstated in the OP, mishap or mishandling, the transmittal to rockindj would have been a very simple, straight forward task. (Mishaps might include mishandling and dropping some bills, confusing cash in one pocket with that in another)

    4) rockingdj did not receive the stated gratuity, but did receive a lesser amount.

    5) Only two people had a logical opportunity to create a discrepancy. (Either the client has the propensity for phoniness, a trait his generosity seems to belie, or the Planner is either carelessly or intentionally responsible for the discrepancy.)

    Now we need more FACTS to ethically correct the situation.

    Get the facts and eliminate any and all speculative, prejudiced assumptions. A quick but serious meeting of said parties is warranted.

    Potential results of getting to the truth:
    1) If the client is to blame, we learn that client is not to be trusted and this knowledge eliminates the injustice, to the planner, of any speculative impunity cast upon his/her character.

    2) If the planner was careless, we create ample opportunity to correct that, fulfill the clients intentions, and hopefully prevent such carelessness from reoccurring.

    3) If the planner is stealing, that is important information and should not be allowed, by intelligent, ethical professionals and adults, to occur without consequence.


    Why are some mature, intelligent men so averse to getting to the truth?
    Rocky 'djrox' Bourg
    Father/Husband/Son/Brother/American

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by djrox View Post
    Jonathan,

    Every defense that you offer for doing nothing or taking an indirect/passive course is filled with assumptions and weak speculation. Avoid the pitfall of such dangerous platforms and FIND OUT THE TRUTH.

    We know what was posted in the OP and, in order to effectively discuss it without constant rehashing and incessant speculative "but what if"s and "just saying"s, we must accept certain offered facts and realities.

    Facts (deductions and assertions):
    1) An $200 gratuity intended FOR rockingdj was claimed to have been tendered by client. (Client being the individual with the least, I would suggest nothing to gain through deception and lies.)

    2) The Client asserts that said gratuity was handed to Planner for Planner to deliver, in total, to rockindj. This also establishes they were in the room at the proximal time that the discrepancy was discovered/realized. (Still no accusation or claims of deceit made or suggested.)

    3) Barring some unrelated, AND unstated in the OP, mishap or mishandling, the transmittal to rockindj would have been a very simple, straight forward task. (Mishaps might include mishandling and dropping some bills, confusing cash in one pocket with that in another)

    4) rockingdj did not receive the stated gratuity, but did receive a lesser amount.

    5) Only two people had a logical opportunity to create a discrepancy. (Either the client has the propensity for phoniness, a trait his generosity seems to belie, or the Planner is either carelessly or intentionally responsible for the discrepancy.)

    Now we need more FACTS to ethically correct the situation.

    Get the facts and eliminate any and all speculative, prejudiced assumptions. A quick but serious meeting of said parties is warranted.

    Potential results of getting to the truth:
    1) If the client is to blame, we learn that client is not to be trusted and this knowledge eliminates the injustice, to the planner, of any speculative impunity cast upon his/her character.

    2) If the planner was careless, we create ample opportunity to correct that, fulfill the clients intentions, and hopefully prevent such carelessness from reoccurring.

    3) If the planner is stealing, that is important information and should not be allowed, by intelligent, ethical professionals and adults, to occur without consequence.


    Why are some mature, intelligent men so averse to getting to the truth?
    Sometimes the "right" thing IS NOT the right thing to do.
    Steve Montambault, Copper Sound
    Audio - Rane MP25, A&H ZED12FX, Denon MC6000mk2, Denon DN-HC4500, JBL PRX612m, Yamaha DXS12, RCF EVOX 8

  11. #11
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    Receiving any sum beyond original pay is satisfactory. It's when one goes above and beyond, does extra work/help minimize other vendor faults/lack of ability perhaps to ensure the event goes well, and thereafter no one shows appreciation for the above and beyond service, sometimes not even a Thank You. Sure we've all experienced that.

    For now, I thank all of you for your posts.
    Heavy weight lifter, karate, oh, I DJ too. Life is good!

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by steve149 View Post
    Sometimes the "right" thing IS NOT the right thing to do.
    Where is the NOT you refer to?

    And I am referring to this circumstance not some yet unrealized fantasy "what if."
    Rocky 'djrox' Bourg
    Father/Husband/Son/Brother/American

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by djrox View Post
    Where is the NOT you refer to?

    And I am referring to this circumstance not some yet unrealized fantasy "what if."
    You are advocating a process to come out with the correct or most ethical "right" solution .. in this case it is probably more prudent (my "right") to let it go, since there is an equal if not greater chance in making things worse.

    It is "right" to explain to your kids there is no Santa Claus .. but generally it isn't "right" in most cases.
    Steve Montambault, Copper Sound
    Audio - Rane MP25, A&H ZED12FX, Denon MC6000mk2, Denon DN-HC4500, JBL PRX612m, Yamaha DXS12, RCF EVOX 8

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by steve149 View Post
    You are advocating a process to come out with the correct or most ethical "right" solution .. in this case it is probably more prudent (my "right") to let it go, since there is an equal if not greater chance in making things worse.
    Worse how and for whom?


    Quote Originally Posted by steve149 View Post
    It is "right" to explain to your kids there is no Santa Claus .. but generally it isn't "right" in most cases.
    I predicted that nonsense...
    Quote Originally Posted by djrox
    And I am referring to this circumstance not some yet unrealized fantasy "what if."
    Rocky 'djrox' Bourg
    Father/Husband/Son/Brother/American

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by djrox View Post
    Why are some mature, intelligent men so averse to getting to the truth?
    This is an ironic question because your response and positions are seriously lacking in maturity.

    You are simply using "fairness" as a means to express an already arrogant aggression. The facts simply aren't on your side, and the DJ is not the victim in this scenario. This is an issue that exists between the client (employer) and the planner (vendor.)

    Many planners are also fiduciaries for the client, and money matters including tips might be well within their purview. If the tip was too high she may have acted to remand a portion back to the client. That is entirely reasonable, even more so if the groom is not the source of those funds, or responsible for payment.

    Since you're so fond of speculating, consider the possibility that the tip actually originated with the father of the bride. Perhaps the groom was merely the courier and he himself is the one who shorted the DJ? The possibilities are endless but, your boundaries are not. I agree with Sawdust - it's not your territory.

    I think the DJ acted appropriately by being gracious for the $75 and leaving the resolution of this drama (or the lack thereof) to the other actors on the stage.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proformance View Post
    This is an ironic question because your response and positions are seriously lacking in maturity.

    You are simply using "fairness" as a means to express an already arrogant aggression. The facts simply aren't on your side, and the DJ is not the victim in this scenario. This is an issue that exists between the client (employer) and the planner (vendor.)

    Many planners are also fiduciaries for the client, and money matters including tips might be well within their purview. If the tip was too high she may have acted to remand a portion back to the client. That is entirely reasonable, even more so if the groom is not the source of those funds, or responsible for payment.

    Since you're so fond of speculating, consider the possibility that the tip actually originated with the father of the bride. Perhaps the groom was merely the courier and he himself is the one who shorted the DJ? The possibilities are endless but, your boundaries are not. I agree with Sawdust - it's not your territory.

    I think the DJ acted appropriately by being gracious for the $75 and leaving the resolution of this drama (or the lack thereof) to the other actors on the stage.
    Another snowflake, roody-poo candy assed speculation-polluted diatribe that neither provides nor relies on the facts as presented.

    Need some sand?
    Rocky 'djrox' Bourg
    Father/Husband/Son/Brother/American

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by djrox View Post
    Worse how and for whom?
    Well, you - when you take it to some over the top extreme and get sued for defamation by the planner.

    Perhaps instead you just start losing referrals as the story about the crazy DJ who mistakenly went all "Lt. Columbo" on his clients and their planner starts to make it's way around town?

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by djrox View Post
    Another snowflake, roody-poo candy assed speculation-polluted diatribe that neither provides nor relies on the facts as presented.

    Need some sand?
    Need some perspective?
    What you are posing as your position of strength actually makes you appear weak and desperate.
    You should pay attention to how the other posters have suggested they would act.

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by sawdust123 View Post
    Rocky, you and I often approach things differently. My earlier responses pretty much assumed all three parties were not in the room together but re-reading the OP, I see this was not actually specified. If the planner was still in the area, I could ask the groom if "we" should invite the planner over to discuss this. My initial guess is that the groom is tired and not up for a confrontation at the end of a long day.

    Now let's suppose groom is up for the confrontation. The planner will likely tell the groom, "I gave the DJ just what you handed me." In other words, attempt to make the groom feel that he screwed up in doling out the cash. If you are really lucky, the planner will reach into a pocket and say, "Oops, I thought I pulled all the cash out." This seems rather unlikely since the original $200 probably didn't include a $5 bill that was obviously part of the $75 tip. In other words, there is no easy way for the planner to come clean and save face.

    I am pretty certain the planner will NOT say, "Oops. Sorry. I thought I could get away with this. Here is the rest of your cash." They will just deny wrongdoing. Now I have to consider my role at the event. I was paid over a grand to give a great party that would produce fond memories. I even got paid an extra $75 for doing a good job. However, if I make a federal case over the missing $125, the groom will leave the reception on a very sour note. It doesn't matter that it is directed at the planner and not me. I just ruined his night.

    A better approach would be for me to tell the groom that maybe it was a simple screw-up on the planner's part and I will straighten it out with the planner directly. In other words, I would not get the groom upset and let him leave without a worry.

    Approaching the planner is tricky. If you don't allow them to save face, they will just deny any wrongdoing. I might say, "Hey, it was nice working with you tonight. BTW, I thanked the groom for his tip, and he happened to mention that he had handed you $200 to give to me, not $75. Perhaps the other bills fell into your purse. Would you mind checking for me?" Now the moment of truth arrives. Do they pretend to find the "lost" bills or do they cop an attitude? If they fail the attitude test, some ugly words are sure to follow but I will make sure the B&G are not around to hear them.
    They ability to ascertain and predict all of this and act appropriately on a consistent basis is what makes someone mature and professional.
    Rocky, I suggest you start taking notes.

  20. #20
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    In defense of Rocky, his suggestion only differed from my initial one in that he recognized that the planner was still around and suggested this matter be addressed. He didn't actually specify how he would address and what words or tone he would convey to the client or planner. We shouldn't assume that the tone portrayed in the post is the tone he would use in person.

    I agreed with him, if the planner was around, I would engage with them. I specified I would do so in a non-accusatory, face-saving manor. Rocky did not say he would so in a different manner. I think we are "arguing" over nothing here.

    I think the only difference is that I specifically said I would NOT want to engage the groom over this so as not to upset him on his wedding day.

    Let's face it, we all get screwed every day by politicians and insurance companies for far greater amounts and seem to proceed with life without going off the deep end.
    The No-Hype DJ:
    When you can't afford the best...
    I'm one of the rest.

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